I have a serious anxiety problem. Not socially...technically. not in the way you usually hear about, being afraid to hang out with friends or go out in a big crowd and stuff. I mean, those things still bother me...but not that badly. I'm starting to realize that my phobia of vomit is really having a negative affect on my life. It has caused me to experience the most extreme sense of panic in certain situations that i have ever felt. Even hearing about something throwing up bothers me. Like...if i find out that somebody puked in an aisle, even hours before i showed up to work, i feel so scared. Or if someone looks sick or complains they don't feel good. If i'm somewhere that vomiting usually happens, i cannot handle being there without living in fear. I felt as on edge as if someone was following me when i went to a theme park with my family, terrified that someone could step off a ride and vomit right in front of me. It terrifies me...and i think not only is it gross, but its made me notice just how much i rely on control. I cannot control what could happen, when i hang out with new people...i cannot predict if i will cross a line or say something stupid or just do something in general that makes me or them uncomfortable. Just like i cannot predict someone vomiting, because most times it's random. I have scenes from movies locked in my mind of people vomiting. Because it happened too quickly for me to look away. These scenes haunt me. I have nightmares about people vomiting in that keep me on edge for days after, that make it hard for me to sleep. and that seems to be a common thing with me...i fear things that are out of my control more than anything else. and its made it hard for me to do a lot of things comfortably. So i think...either i have to start analyzing this sort of "loss of control" fear, or address that this phobia might be a serious issue that i need help for. Because one way or another, i need to stop dismissing my mental health.