and apologize for being a terrible person in general.
i need to go back to therapy
and get off social media
and have friends that like me
friends that i don't fear upsetting
i get too close to people too fast. I overload my fucking life story on them. I annoy them and they grit their teeth until its too much
and i hate that about myself
but that's what happens when you only have 1 friend.
and then they begin to hate you too
and suddenly the people that made you feel like you were getting better and being nicer and boost your motivation to draw and write and seem to show interest in the things you talk about now make you despise yourself more than ever
i can't live with this sort of feeling. this hate for someone that i try so hard to tell myself i'm not. but i am. because i purposely do all of this shit i purposely say it all and i act like i don't care about the consequences because i always figured my friends knew by now that i'm nothing but a self centered piece of shit. I didn't think they'd ever leave.
maybe i am just filled with angst. being told so doesn't get rid of it. it just makes me realize you're right. and makes me realize that i should quit bothering you, and you should quit pretending you care. it'll make you feel better. Don't feel bad, i can handle myself on my own. Except i can't, but you don't have to know that.